Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”
The Bible begins and ends with a marriage: God the Father married Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 2:21-24), and he will marry the believers and Christ in the Kingdom of heaven (Revelation 19:5-9). Marriage is the foundational institution of life. Moreover, a healthy church is composed of many families, which cannot exist without marriage. Most of Jesus’ apostles were married men (see 1 Corinthians 9:5; Peter: Matthew 8:14/Mark 1:30). Jesus himself not only affirmed the Biblical institution of marriage in his preaching (Matthew 19:3-12), but he also personally advocated it in his life by his involvement in a marriage at the beginning of his public earthly ministry. At the marriage in Cana of Galilee, Jesus attended the wedding (John 2:1-2), assisted the wedding (John 2:3-8), was manifested at the wedding (John 2:9-10), and was glorified at the wedding (John 2:11).
Proverbs 18:22 “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.”
Marriage is a gift from God. The spouse that one gets, especially when godly, comes from God, for “a prudent wife is from the LORD” (Proverbs 19:14). Solomon quipped that a man’s “portion in this life” which God has given him is to “live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity” (Ecclesiastes 9:9). Echoing the Biblical sentiment of matrimony as being a gift from above, Paul speaks of the gift of being married, calling it their “proper gift of God” (1 Corinthians 7:7). Socrates said, “By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you will become a philosopher.” God’s will is that most people be married (e.g., 1 Timothy 5:14), and warns of a false doctrine in latter times where persons are forbidden to marry (e.g., Catholic priests and nuns: see 1 Timothy 4:1-3). As it has been observed “Marriage is a gift from God to us. The quality of our marriages is a gift from us to him.”
The Definition of Marriage
Marriage is the institution of God, established at creation. The first divinely-officiated and ordained marriage was between one man (Adam: Genesis 2:21) and one woman (Eve: Genesis 2:22) for life (Genesis 2:24; see 5:4-5). Consequently, marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman to be united in a personal relationship for life. The Bible depicts marriage as a covenant, not a contract, describing a man’s wife as “the wife of thy covenant” (Malachi 2:14), and speaks about an adulteress woman as she who “forgetteth the covenant of her God” (Proverbs 2:17). A covenant is an agreement with promise, made on the basis of a sacrifice (e.g., see Hebrews 10:29; 13:20). This means that a proper marriage is based on mutual devotion, not desire; selfless sacrifice, not satisfaction; total commitment, not temporary experiment. A person who marries should not ask, “what can I get?” but rather, “what can I give?” Marriage is a decision to be with someone at their worst so that you can also be with them at their best.
Due to the fact that marriage is based on promises (or, vows), it is therefore a binding institution. God is the one who “hath joined together” those who are married (Matthew 19:6). To the married Paul asks, “Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed” (1 Corinthians 7:27). Being the toughest and most secure of all locks, marriage is called by God, “wedlock” (Ezekiel 16:38). The wife and husband are supposed to experience complete togetherness: “as being heirs together of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7). But truly, as it has been said, “Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years.”
- Marriage is LEGALLY Binding: Paul actually refers to the statements in the book of Genesis as the “law” (regarding the curse in Genesis 3:16: 1 Corinthians 14:34), which means that God’s bringing and joining of Eve to Adam was a legally binding activity. The Bible says that a married person is “bound by the law” (Romans 7:2) for life. Only death can “loosen” or “free” them from “that law” (Romans 7:3). This law of marriage is a perfect analogy to the law of God in its authoritative and permanent nature (Romans 7:1). On account of the legal aspect of marriage, those who desired divorce needed a lawful “bill of divorcement” (Deuteronomy 24:1, 3). Beyond that, if there were no legal definition and standard of marriage, there could be no legal grounds for the execution of adulterers (see Leviticus 20:10).
1 Corinthians 7:39 “The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.”
- Marriage is PHYSICALLY Binding: Eve was literally formed from man’s body, making her “bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:23). When joined in matrimony, the husband is to “cleave” unto his wife (Genesis 2:24), becoming one flesh by their physical union. To “cleave” here means to stick or adhere to something/someone, as when a disease “cleaves” to a person (Psalm 41:8; Deuteronomy 28:21), or a belt “cleaves” to one’s loins (Jeremiah 13:11). Marriage rightly includes the bodily “coming together” (1 Corinthians 7:5) of a husband and his wife. Their matching anatomy was designed by God for this purpose, “wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh” (Matthew 19:6).
Often in the Bible, to emphasize the physical nature of marriage, the Bible will place the physical union of man and woman right next to a marital statement. For example, it is written that Isaac brought Rebekah “into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife.” (Genesis 24:67). This must not be misconstrued as if to say that sexual intercourse equals marriage, but rather that it is an essential aspect of it (e.g., see marriage mentioned in non-sexual contexts: 1 Samuel 25:42; 2 Samuel 11:27). Notwithstanding, one must be married before they are physically intimate, per Jacob’s words, “Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her” (Genesis 29:21).
- Marriage is SPIRITUALLY Binding: Adam and Eve were spiritually bound, being themselves both children of God (e.g., Luke 3:38), and had a shared spiritual commitment to the Lord (Genesis 2:16-17). Because marriage is the strongest “yoke” in life, we are commanded by God to “be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14), because such a unification is really a spiritual fusion of sorts (see 2 Corinthians 6:15-16). Noah’s wife went with him into the ark (Genesis 7:1), and any married couple should also go through spiritual doors together.
- Marriage is SOCIALLY Binding: The marriage of Adam and Eve, though not seen by any other man, was witnessed by God and the angels. These are the same witnesses of any current marriages (see 1 Timothy 5:21), but in the aftermath of the first couple’s fruitfulness we have a multitude of other attendants who are normally there to “hear the bridegroom’s voice” (John 3:29), “guests” with whom weddings are “furnished” (Matthew 22:10), persons whom Jesus calls “the children of the bridechamber” (Matthew 9:15) that “rejoice with them that do rejoice” (Romans 12:15). The public event of a wedding introduces a social fastening of the couple.
- Marriage is EMOTIONALLY Binding: Adam and Eve, necessarily as a result of living together, also had shared experiences (e.g., Genesis 2:25). They were emotionally tied by their marriage, as are any two who unite in matrimony.
The Purpose of Marriage
From God’s word, we learn that marriage has three purposes: procreation, sanctification, and interrelation.
- PROCREATION: We Marry for Fruitfulness
Over and again, God repeated his command to the married mankind to “be fruitful and multiply,” to “replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28), “multiply upon the earth” (Genesis 8:17), “bring forth abundantly in the earth” (Genesis 9:1, 7), and thus “be a multitude of people” (Genesis 28:3). The intent of the first marriage was expressed when Eve “conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the Lord” (Genesis 4:1), and as Adam “begat sons and daughters” (Genesis 5:4). The marital union is the only legitimate means whereby mankind can produce offspring (see Hebrews 12:8), and also generally the sole means whereby a proper child can be trained “in the way he should go” (Proverbs 22:6). Paul lists procreation as the primary and most direct result of marriage, “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children…” (1 Timothy 5:14). A marriage without children is like a vineyard or an orchard without fruit, and many righteous women have understood bareness within their marriage relationship as the most undesirable of realities (Proverbs 30:15-16).
Malachi 2:15 “And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.”
- SANCTIFICATION: We Marry for Godliness
If Adam and Eve would have maintained their roles (with Adam as the leader: see 1 Timothy 2:14), it is likely that the Fall of Man would never have occurred. Sins of idleness (e.g., gossip), solitude, and passion (e.g., fornication) can be avoided, at least in part, by marrying. The Bible expressly says, “to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2). Paul says to “let them marry” who are uncontainable in their lust and will burn with desire to the point of becoming sexually immoral, “for it is better to marry than to burn” (1 Corinthians 7:9). The unmarried woman is also largely unoccupied, and will “learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not” (1 Timothy 5:13). Marriage gives a person a channel for their desires that would otherwise be spent in sinful pursuits, allowing things like affection and passion to be fulfilled in a righteous manner (see Proverbs 5:18-19). Without a wife, the man can be a stupid beast; without a husband, the woman can be an ignorant beastess, who gives “occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully” (1 Timothy 5:14).
- INTERRELATION: We Marry for Companionship
The occasion of the formation of Eve as Adam’s wife was his lack of companionship “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18). This shows us that, For Adam, Eve was a (1) needful help, a (2) unique help, and an (3) appropriate help. This companionship that is satisfied within marriage indicates that “neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11). (1) Adam was alone, a condition God said was not good, probably due to the fact that man is a social creature, and without relationships, they do not function rightly. (2) Eve was not taken from the ground, but she was taken from man. This makes her special in her creation, and complementary in her role. (3) Before the creation of Eve from Adam, God formed and brought to Adam every creature to be named and tested for compatibility, “but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:20). Only the woman could fit the mould.
The mutuality that husband and wife enjoy is––mostly––exclusively able to be experienced within the marriage covenant. The Song of Solomon is a book of the Bible extolling the intimacy within marriage, and is written as a commendation of the exceptional relationship a woman and a man have when wedded (see the Song of Solomon). It is noteworthy that the Bible uses the word, “know” in reference to the physical relationship that a married couple has (Genesis 4:1). Typically, the unmarried who sleep with each other are merely said to “lie with” one another (e.g., Genesis 19:32, 34; Deuteronomy 22:23), lacking the depth of intimacy that spouses have.
The Roles of Marriage
God ordained the marital roles of the man and the woman. While both parties are supposed to love each other, the husband is to love by leading, and the wife is to love by following. The Bible says “that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:3). To be the head is a term meaning the authority of, and has an anatomical analogy: what the head is to the body (source of control), the husband is to the wife; what the body is to the head (source of support), the wife is to the husband, “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church” (Ephesians 5:23). This order of the home is visible in the case of Adam and Eve:
- Adam was created before Eve (Genesis 2:7). In the ancient world, birth order was important, as the firstborn would be entitled to the birthright and oftentimes also the greatest blessing (e.g., see Genesis 25:33). Adam’s being made prior to Eve is emblematic of his authority over her, “for Adam was first formed, then Eve” (1 Timothy 2:13).
- Adam named Eve (Genesis 2:23). Just as parents name their children because they have power over them, or as mankind named/names animals because they have dominion over them (see Genesis 1:26; 2:19-20), so here Adam’s naming of Eve is expressive of his power over her. Moreover, Eve took the name of Adam (when God “called their name Adam”: Genesis 5:2), as a woman takes the name of her husband when she marries him.
- Adam was established to rule over Eve (Genesis 3:16). After the Fall, God cursed Eve, saying “thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” By the first statement, God meant that Eve shall have an inborn desire to dominate her husband, and from the latter statement, that Adam would nevertheless be her ruler. It is similar to what God said to Cain regarding the desire of sin to subjugate him in conjunction with God’s command to him to be in control over it: “unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him” (Genesis 4:7). As surely as God expects mankind to have power over sin, so also he expects the man to have power over his wife.
The Husband: “Husbands, love your wives”
Adam was set in the garden “to dress it and to keep it” (Genesis 2:15). This occupation he held is the designation of God that the man is the provider for and protector of his wife (and home). An extraordinary man is one who always “ruleth well his own house” (1 Timothy 3:4). This is why the husband has veto power over his wife’s vows (Numbers 30:8). A godly man will provide for his wife financially (Exodus 21:10). God commands men to work (1 Thessalonians 3:10-13), and those men who do not provide for their own are worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8). The model of the love that Christ has to the church is instructive for the husband (Ephesians 5:25-31, 33), who is to so love his wife.
An UNDERSTANDING love: “dwell with them according to knowledge” (1 Peter 3:7). Jesus knows who we are (e.g., John 1:48-50), and “knoweth our frame” (Psalm 103:14). Furthermore, he gives us what we can bear (e.g., 1 Corinthians 10:13), “For he will not lay upon man more than right” (Job 34:23). The husband must love properly and attentively, understanding the desires/needs of his wife, and her strengths/weaknesses, “giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7). Dwelling “with knowledge” implies a deep and ingrown connection developed by constant communication and attention.
An UNCONDITIONAL love: “Christ also loved the church” (Ephesians 5:25). Jesus Christ loved us before we loved him (1 John 4:19), while we were yet sinners (Romans 5:8), and enemies of God (Romans 5:10). The husband must love without terms or requirements. He is not told to love his good wife, his obedient, or his beautiful wife, but to love his wife.
A SACRIFICIAL love: “and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25). The Savior “gave himself” for us (Galatians 1:4; 2:20), and died the death of the cross to give us eternal life (Philippians 2:8). He also lived for us, surrendering his entire life to “to seek and to save that which was lost” (Luke 19:10). The husband must love in an involving and costly way, giving up his time, his ability, and when necessary his wealth for her betterment and well-being. A man who genuinely pledges that he will die for his wife should also be willing to live for her too.
A PURIFYING love: “that he might sanctify and cleanse it” (Ephesians 5:26). Our Lord has a desire for the holiness of his bride, cleansing us from sin and sanctifying us in his word so that we will be “be holy and without blemish” (Ephesians 5:27). Paul speaks the heart of Christ when he says, “For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ” (2 Corinthians 11:2). The husband must love in a sanctifying and holy way. The husband ought to love with wisdom, by teaching his wife the things of God (Deuteronomy 6:7; see 1 Corinthians 14:35), and love with holiness, by keeping his wife from evil.
A SELFLESS love: “so ought men to love their wives as their own bodies” (Ephesians 5:28). The Lord Jesus, as shown in his condescension to earth and his ministry, had little to no regard for his own person (Philippians 2:5-8). From heaven to earth, he left behind his autonomy (John 8:29), honor, glory (John 17:5), and riches (2 Corinthians 8:9). On earth, he would endure sleepless nights (Luke 6:12; 22), and often “had no leisure so much as to eat” (Luke 6:31). The husband must love in an other-centered way, preferring his wife above himself, “let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself” (Ephesians 5:33).
A CARING love: “but nourisheth and cherisheth it” (Ephesians 5:29). Christ endears the church, treasures us and considers us his prize, “my jewels” (Malachi 3:17), like Paul who called the Philippians “my joy and crown” (Philippians 4:1). The husband must love with great affection, treating his spouse sweetly, and never bitterly. “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them” (Colossians 3:19). To “nourish” means to supply the need of another (like feeding: see Genesis 47:12; 50:21), and to “cherish” means to protect/endear another (like holding closely, or warming: see 1 Thessalonians 2:7; 1 Kings 1:2, 4).
A CONTINUAL love, “and shall be joined unto his wife” (Ephesians 5:31). Jesus Christ has an eternal love for us (see Jeremiah 31:3), so that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ (Romans 8:35, 38-39), because he loves us “unto the end” (John 13:1). No matter how unfaithful we become, Christ the Lord says, “Turn, O backsliding children, saith the LORD; for I am married unto you” (Jeremiah 3:14). The husband must love in an unbreakable way, never considering, offering, or plotting divorce or separation. As it has been wisely stated, “a perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.”
Example Husbands
Scripture records the love of many good husbands. Hosea’s life is an object lesson to demonstrate the love that God had toward Israel. According to the word of the Lord, Hosea took as his wife Gomer, a prostitute, or, “a wife of whoredoms” (Hosea 1:2). With her “whorish heart” (Ezekiel 6:9), Gomer repeatedly would go back to her whorish life; still Hosea remained faithful to her in obedience to God: “Go yet, love a woman beloved of her friend, yet an adulteress” (Hosea 3:1). Phalti loved his wife so that when she was carried away from him he “went with her along weeping behind her to Bahurim” (2 Samuel 3:16), and Elkanah attempted to “cheer up” (see Deuteronomy 24:5) and console his wife Hannah regarding her barrenness, saying “Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved?” (1 Samuel 1:8).
Then also there are a multitude of bad husbands in the Bible. Nabal was a drunken (1 Samuel 25:26) and negligent man (1 Samuel 25:10) who only brought distress to his wife Abigail (I Samuel 25:18-31). Abraham disassociated himself from his wife when he lied about Sarah as if she were his sister, just to save his skin, twice (Genesis 12:13; 20:2). Abraham also let his wife lead him, and fornicated with Hagar as a result (Genesis 16:1-5). King Saul was uncaring in his verbal bashing of his wife as he called Jonathan, “thou son of the perverse rebellious woman” (1 Samuel 20:30). Adam allowed Eve to take the leadership position in giving him to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (Genesis 3:6; see v.17), and further blamed his wife for his own deliberate sin, saying that he transgressed because “the woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat” (Genesis 3:12). Adam led his wife into hiding (Genesis 3:8), but not into obedience.
The Wife: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands”
God made Eve as a “help meet” for Adam (Genesis 3:18-23), meaning that she was created to perform the role of being an appropriate servant to him. A righteous wife will be content to be a “keeper at home” (Titus 2:3-5)––like Sarah who was “in the tent” (Genesis 18:9); or Jael, who defeated Sisera from within the confines of her tent (Judges 4:17-22)––because the woman’s role is to prepare the food and clothing of her household, not to provide it: “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house …” (1 Timothy 5:14-15). The virtuous woman, above all her enterprises, “looketh well to the ways of her household” (Proverbs 31:27).
Proverbs 14:1 “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”
The single most important act of the wife toward her husband can be to submit to him. There are many analogies of submission in scripture: all things to God (Ephesians 1:22), Christ to the Father (1 Corinthians 15:24-28), the believer to a civil authority (Romans 13:1-7), servants to masters (Colossians 3:22; Titus 2:9), church members to church leaders (Hebrews 13:17), and children to parents (Ephesians 6:1). The analogy God which draws on most powerfully for the wife, however, is the submission of the believer to Jesus. In Ephesians 5, we find the method (v.22), manner (v.23), and model (v.24) of the submissiveness of the wife to her husband. Interestingly, immediately following Peter’s description that the church has “now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls” (1 Peter 2:25), he then proceeded to describe that the wife should be equally as subject unto their husbands (1 Peter 3:1-6).
A WILLFUL Obedience: “submit yourselves” (Ephesians 5:22); “be in subjection” (1 Peter 3:1). The church ought to be willful (Isaiah 1:19) and cheerful (e.g., 2 Corinthians 9:7) servants of God, serving the Lord “with joyfulness” (Deuteronomy 28:47). The wife also must obey with desire and cheer. The godly woman will be glad to serve her husband, and happily subjects herself to his demands.
A DEVOUT Obedience, “as unto the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). Jesus wants us to serve him as him as Lord and Master (see Luke 6:46; see also John 13:14), and as our king (see Malachi 1:14; Revelation 19:16). The wife must obey as if she were obeying Jesus. Just as an unmarried woman lives to please the Lord alone, the married should live to please her husband like he were the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:34). This form of obedience is “fit in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18), because the husband is a picture of Christ to the woman, and she should be led by him as such.
A TOTAL Obedience: “in every thing” (Ephesians 5:24). There is no aspect of the lives of his people that Jesus does not want to be Lord over. The wife must obey completely and entirely, not just in things where he is better than her, nor merely in areas where he has more knowledge than her, but in everything.
An UNQUESTIONING Obedience: “the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit” (1 Peter 3:4). Our submission to Jesus should be without any qualm or question. In much the same way, the wife must obey simply and confidently, even if his course of action might not seem to be the wisest. The “meek and quiet” spirited wife can be contrasted with the “loud and stubborn” woman (Proverbs 7:11).
A RESPECTFUL Obedience: “see that she reverence her husband” (Ephesians 5:33); “calling him lord” (I Peter 3:6). Jesus deserves our praise and honor, and to be glorified by us. The wife must obey reverentially. A good wife will have great respect for her spouse, and esteem him very highly. Just as Sarah called Abraham her “lord” in her heart (Genesis 18:12), so also women should think of their husbands as their boss internally, and possess a marked reverence for them.
Example Wives
In the pages of God’s holy book, one can read of many “holy women also, who trusted in God,” whose adornment was their personal subjection to their own husbands (1 Peter 3:5). Rachel and Leah told Jacob that they would go wherever he wanted, “whatsoever God hath said unto thee, do” (Genesis 31:16, see vv.4-16). Abigail unhesitatingly forsook all that she had and follow David, telling him “Behold, let thine handmaid be a servant to wash the feet of the servants of my lord” (1 Samuel 25:41). Mary parallels Abigail in her willingness to be used of God, though a married woman (Luke 1:38). Sarah herself admitted when she did wrong, and did not withhold an apology for her error, saying “my wrong be upon thee” (Genesis 16:5).
Nevertheless, wherever one turns in the Bible, they will meet with the wicked wives that Solomon spoke so much about (see Proverbs 21:9, 19; 25:9). Lot’s wife was covetous, looking back upon Sodom with financial longing (Genesis 19:26; Luke 17:32). Moses’s wife, Zipporah, was contentious, deriding Moses for his carelessness in not circumcising his son, “Surely a bloody husband art thou to me” (Exodus 4:25). Job’s wife was godless, enticing Job to “curse God and die” when he (and, she) lost everything (Job 2:9). Samson’s wife the Timnite was treacherous (Judges 14:17, 19-20). Michal was contemptuous, insulting and implicating the motives of her husband David (2 Samuel 6:20). Jezebel was manipulative (1 Kings 21:25), Gomer and Potiphar’s wife were unfaithful (see book of Hosea; Genesis 39:7-12), and queen Vashti was disobedient (see Esther 1).
The Relationship of Marriage
The more you invest in marriage, the more valuable it becomes. Marriage requires mutual submission for the betterment of the other, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God” (Ephesians 5:21). The husband submits through love to his wife, whereas the wife submits through obedience to her husband. Malachi preached against Israel for their marital unfaithfulness, explaining to them that God was greatly angered (Malachi 2:14-17). A wrong relationship with one’s spouse hinders their relationship with God, can “hinder” their prayers (1 Peter 3:7). To make marriage work, there are several virtues, among many others, that the husband and wife have to learn. It has been noted that “marriage doesn’t make you happy–you make your marriage happy.” Happy marriages happen when we marry the one we love, but lasting marriages happen when we love the one we marry.
Piety – The husband and wife should “learn first to shew piety at home” (1 Timothy 5:4) by reading God’s word together, and having times where they jointly pray. The couple who reads and prays together will stay together.
Humility – A good marriage requires two funerals and one wedding, because the husband and wife should be ready at all times to die to themselves (see Luke 9:23), giving honor and place unto each other, “in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves” (Philippians 2:3). If you treat your wife like a queen, she will treat you like a king, and vice versa. There should be a contest of generosity within marriage.
Forgiveness – The husband and wife must especially learn to be forgiving of each other. “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32). “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage,” Benjamin Franklin advised, “half shut afterwards.” The love of marriage should cover the multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). If we should “forgive men their trespasses” (Matthew 6:14), much more ought the husband to forgive his wife or the wife forgive her husband. Ruth Graham said that “a good marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”
The Perversions of Marriage
It is part of the satanic agenda to redefine marriage, break apart marriages, and to dissolve the institution of marriage itself altogether. With the first husband and wife, the devil introduced a role reversal, manipulating Eve to usurp the authority God had established by leading her husband (Genesis 3:17). He also has worked to dually influence the man and woman together, as when he filled the heart of the married Ananias and Zapphira to lie to the Holy Spirit (Acts 5:3). Satan gives special attention to tempting incontinent (1 Corinthians 7:5) and unforgiving (see 2 Corinthians 2:10-11) married persons, because the old serpent has always been slithering between the sacred covenant of matrimony.
From the Genesis account, four features of marriage stand out, and also quickly get perverted in the history of man––that marriage is to be heterosexual (it was not Adam and Steve), monogamous (it was not Adam and Juliet and Jackie and Joselyn), faithful (Adam and Eve were only to sexually be with each other) and permanent (Adam and Eve “cleaved”). The beginning of marriage in Genesis also describes the beginning of most of the attacks upon marriage: polygamy (Lamech: Genesis 4:19; Esau: Genesis 28:8-9; Jacob: Genesis 29:30), sodomy (Sodom and Gomorrah: Genesis 19), adultery (Judah: Genesis 38:13-18; Potiphar’s wife: Genesis 39:7-12; see also Exodus 20:14), and divorce.
The Sin of Polygamy
Polygamy is the evil of marrying more than one wife (or, though uncommon, more than one husband). Just as Jesus was able to reason from the creation order of God joining Adam and Eve to relate the wrongness of divorce (Matthew 19:4), we may also refer to the creation order when God made only one man and one woman to undermine the wicked practice of polygamy. There is actually a Bible verse prohibiting a specific form of polygamy (Leviticus 18:18), and a law against the multiplication of wives for at least the king of God’s nation (Deuteronomy 17:17). The New Testament Christian being a “king” unto God through Christ the King of kings (Revelation 1:6), having many wives is off limits to them as well. The pastoral qualifications demand that a pastor be “the husband of one wife” (1 Timothy 3:2; Titus 1:6), which cannot be true of a man with multiple spouses. Because the pastor himself is to be an example to flock (1 Peter 5:3), all of God’s people who want to be godly are thus forbidden more than one wife (or, husband).
All polygamists in the Bible either personally experienced the pains of having many wives, or stirred up a resulting dramatic home-life. The first multi-married man in the Bible, Lamech, was a murderer (Genesis 4:19, 23). Jacob’s wives Rachel and Leah were set in perpetual strife the one with the other (see Genesis 29-30), as were Hannah and Peninah, the wives of Elkanah (1 Samuel 1:1-7). The depraved state of men like Rehoboam, who “desired many wives” (2 Chronicles 11:23) brought them low in life (e.g., see Solomon: Nehemiah 13:26).
The Sin of Divorce
There is no intra-marital exception for divorce: “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6). We should not be in search of grounds for divorce, but rather be looking for grounds for staying married. God has a multitude of negative reactions to the deceitful persons who desire and end up getting a divorce: God is angered by divorce, “he hateth putting away” (Malachi 2:16); God is opposed by divorce, for he is the one who joined the man and woman together; God is offended by divorce, because the severed parties lied before him when they promised to be faithful till death; God is grieved by divorce (see Ephesians 4:30); God is contradicted by divorce, because marriage is a picture of salvation (see Hosea 2:19), which cannot be lost (John 10:28). One man said that a marriage is like a house; when a light bulb goes off you don’t go to find a new house, you fix the light bulb. In all truth, if most divorcees would have put the same amount of effort into their first godly relationship with their wife as they did into their second adulterous relationship with their lover, they would have stayed married.
In Pharisaic doctrine, it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife “for every cause” (see Matthew 19:3). In Jesus’ doctrine, however, divorce is wholly unlawful, except for one reason. Jesus said, “Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery” (Matthew 19:9). Although one should emphasize the rule and not the exception, here the exception is helpful to understanding that for any reason after marrying, divorce is never right. What Jesus clearly means by “fornication” in this verse is that only premarital promiscuity gives allowance for a legal divorce. That is, only in the event that one of the married partners was presumably a virgin, but actually had sexual intercourse before marriage with another person, could there be an immediate divorce. “Fornication” does not mean, as in the Good News Bible, “unfaithfulness.” This can be demonstrated from the following facts:
- Adultery was a cause for execution (Leviticus 20:10), not divorce.
- Jesus uses the word “fornication,” not “adultery” (which is a word he knows, as seen in the verse itself).
- The Bible lists fornication and adultery side by side as different sins (e.g., 1 Corinthians 6:9), and fornicators and adulterers as different kinds of sinners (e.g., Hebrews 13:4)
- The exception clause for divorce is based in the Old Testament law (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). There, Moses described the “uncleanness” in a woman which counts as grounds for divorce to be her pre-marital illicit sexual relationship(s) (Deuteronomy 22:13-22). This is made all the more significant, because the divorce exception clause is only recorded in Matthew’s gospel (not Mark’s or Luke’s), which was a gospel written to believing Jews as a primary audience (e.g., the genealogy in ch.1; the numerous scripture citations, etc.). Familiarity with the Old Testament is implied in Jesus’ statement (see also Leviticus 21:9).
- Within the gospel of Matthew, this exception of pre-marital promiscuity is played out in the lives of Joseph and Mary. Joseph was described as a “being just man” (Matthew 1:19), and planned to divorce Mary because he assumed that she had been engaged in fornication. This is because she was pregnant before they physically came together (see Matthew 1:18-25).
This exception of Christ is not the reason why almost anyone ever gets a divorce, though. Paul himself reiterates that the bond of marriage is unbreakable (1 Corinthians 7:10-11, 39). Even about the very exception, Jesus makes a couple points that prove the permanence of marriage. (1) When God created man, he made no room for divorce, “from the beginning it was not so” (Matthew 19:8). (2) When Moses gave the law of divorce, he did so wholly as a concession to the stiff-necked nature of man, “Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives” (Matthew 19:8). If someone truly loved their spouse, they would not divorce them no matter what sin they found in them.
The Picture of Marriage
Those in Christ are “the bride” of Christ (Revelation 21:9), who will be a part of the great Marriage Supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19:5-9). John the Baptist (John 3:29) and Jesus referred to Christ (Mark 2:19-20) as the groom, and believers as his bride. Before salvation we were––so to speak––single; at salvation we became espoused to Jesus (II Corinthians 11:2); and in heaven we will, metaphorically speaking, be married to him. This held true for Old Testament believers in a qualified sense as well, of whom God said “for thy Maker is thine husband” (Isaiah 54:5), and frequently alludes to his matrimonial relationship with Old Testament Israel (e.g., see Ezekiel 16; Hosea). This means that a marriage is a testimony the relationship between Christ and the church, and as such it will either tell the truth about that relationship, or it will tell a lie. God is always faithful (1 Corinthians 1:9; Hebrews 10:23).
The Bible calls the marriage relationship established in Genesis “a great mystery,” and says that it pictures “Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:32). The Genesis narrative of the first wedding is therefore typological of Jesus Christ and the church. Jesus is the last Adam (see I Corinthians 15:45), and we who believe are thus the last Eve:
- Adam sought for a companion among all the animals, but none was found as a help meet for him.
Jesus sought to save the Jews, first the “lost sheep of the house of Israel” (Matthew 15:24), but they nationally rejected him (John 1:11).
- Adam fell into a deep sleep caused by God (Genesis 2:21).
Jesus “slept” in death due to the wrath of God falling upon him (Isaiah 53:10).
- God took Adam’s rib while he was asleep, and formed Eve (Genesis 2:21-22).
After his death, “one of the soldiers with a spear pierced his side” (John 19:34). The shed blood of Jesus gives us life (1 Peter 2:24; cf. Isaiah 53:5).
- Adam called Eve “woman” and joined unto her after he awoke from his deep sleep (Genesis 2:23-24).
After his resurrection from the dead, Jesus Christ taught the disciples for forty days and soon caused them to be called “Christians” (Acts 11:26). The Bible says, “But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit” (I Corinthians 6:17).
- Eve was structurally Adam’s body, “bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:23).
We are spiritually Christ’s body (1 Corinthians 12:27), “for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones” (Ephesians 5:30).
“Don’t compare your love story to those you watch in movies. They are written by screenwriters, yours is written by God.”