Acts 2:42 “And they continued stedfastly in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers.”
The Importance of Friendship
Friends influence you either for the better or for the worse. You are the sum of all your influences, and the way you act is in accordance with your greatest influence(s) (see 1 Corinthians 15:33). This means that you are who you surround yourself with: Korah “took men” to be with him, and they were rebellious as he was (Numbers 16:1). Adonijah was accompanied by men like Joab and Abiathar whose treachery was a mirror to himself (1 Kings 1:5-10). Abimelech was a vain and light person, which is why he hired vain and light persons to follow him (Judges 9:4). Pilate and Herod were made friends by their common disdain for the Savior (Luke 23:12). It has been observed that true friends will leave footprints in your heart. Being with someone molds you into them, and them into you (Acts 4:13). Birds of a feather flock together, and two cannot walk together except they be agreed (Amos 3:3).
Proverbs 13:20 “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.”
Friends help you through the challenges, pursuits, and questions of life. “Two are better than one” (Ecclesiastes 4:9a), and in the absence of those who can stand by you and with you, your reward will be less (Ecclesiastes 4:9b), you will fail in your work and walk (Ecclesiastes 4:10), you will have no morale (Ecclesiastes 4:11), and you will not accomplish great feats (Ecclesiastes 4:12).
Friends refresh you in your spirit and life. The troubled David, in his flight of persecution, was warmed by the comradery he enjoyed with Jonathan. Paul’s mingling with his friends in Sidon was “to refresh himself” (Acts 27:3). He described pastime with the Romans as being an occasion to “be somewhat filled with your company” (Romans 15:24).
Proverbs 27:9 “Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel.”
Attributes of a Friend
Who to Befriend
- Befriend someone who is a CHILD OF GOD
All of our close personal ties and relationships should be with saved persons (2 Corinthians 6:14-18), and any fellowship we enjoy with another must be founded upon Christ (1 Corinthians 3:11), being “fellowship in the gospel” (Philippians 1:5). An unsaved person is not in God’s family (see John 1:12; 1 John 5:1; Galatians 3:26), and should also not be in our inner circle of friends. Jesus occasionally was made a temporary acquaintance of some unbelievers, but everyone who he could call his friend put their faith in him (see John 17:20). The children of light (John 12:36; Ephesians 5:8) should be friends with fellow lights in the world; the children of God ought not to befriend the children of this world, but rather those who are fellowcitizens and fellowheirs of the kingdom of God (see Ephesians 2:19; 3:6).
- Befriend someone who is a FRIEND OF GOD
It seems that God was in the habit of walking with Adam and Eve (Genesis 3:8), and we are told by God that he spoke to Moses in a unique manner, “face to face, as a man speaketh unto his friend” (Exodus 33:11). However, unlike any other character in the word of God, Abraham is explicitly called “the friend of God” (Isaiah 41:8; 2 Chronicles 20:7; cf. James 2:23). God explained that the closeness which Abraham had with him which made him worthy of this title was due to his obedience: “For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment…” (Genesis 18:19). One is God’s child by faith, but they are God’s friend by obedience: “Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you” (John 15:14).
The people we go with ought to be friends of God and not of the world (James 4:4). If we are to walk in the light and have fellowship with God, then those we closely associate with must do the same (1 John 1:3, 6-7). Blessed men do not befriend cursed ones (Psalm 1:1). There are lots of people the scripture warns us to “avoid” (2 Timothy 3:5; Romans 16:17), and to have no fellowship with (see Ephesians 5:11): angry persons (Proverbs 22:24-25), gossips (Proverbs 20:19), drunkards (Proverbs 23:20), sloths (2 Thessalonians 3:14), grievously immoral individuals (1 Corinthians 5:9-12), thieves (Proverbs 1:10-19; see also Isaiah 1:23), and rioters (Proverbs 24:21; 28:27). Jesus was “a friend of publicans and sinners” (Matthew 11:19), but those sinners were repentant (see Luke 7:34-38; 19:1-10).
Psalm 119:63 “I am a companion of all them that fear thee, and of them that keep thy precepts.”
- Befriend someone who is a DISCIPLE OF GOD
Our companions should be like the band of men that went home with Saul to Gibeah, “whose hearts God had touched” (1 Samuel 10:26). Wise and understanding fellows are necessary, for God commands, “Forsake the foolish, and live” (Proverbs 9:6). A Biblical friend will be one you can walk beside as you follow Christ, and one which you can walk behind if your faithfulness wavers. Our best friends should be the best servants of God, “fellowdisciples” (John 11:46) who are “fellowservants” in the service of God (Colossians 1:7; 4:7), “fellowlaborers” in the work of the Lord (1 Thessalonians 3:2; Philemon 1, 24), “fellowsoldiers” in the Lord’s battles (Philippians 2:25; Philemon 2), and “fellowprisoners” in persecution (Romans 16:7; Colossians 4:10; Philemon 23). It is the Christian “whose praise is in the gospel” who often and effectively preaches the gospel that should be sent with us (2 Corinthians 8:18). In a word, we need a friend which can be our “yokefellow” which we plow the Lord’s field with (Philippians 4:3).
How to be a Friend
A friend counsels their fellow friend. Just as iron sharpens iron, so also can a friend sharpen the wit of their companion (Proverbs 27:17), and as one would provoke another to some emotive state, a friend will provoke their friend “unto love and to good works” (Hebrews 10:24). Biblical companions converse about the Bible, and the things of God are at the front of their relationship (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
Proverbs 27:6 “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”
A friend comforts their fellow friend. A friend can stick “closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24). This is because familial ties do not always produce the same empathetic bond that friendly ones do, a bond of those who “love at all times” (Proverbs 17:17; see also Proverbs 27:10). Paul was deeply comforted by his fellows, knowing that he was not alone in the service of the kingdom of God (Colossians 4:10-11). Jephthah’s daughter had fellow young maidens who bemoaned her portended early death with her (Judges 11:37-38).
A friend cares for their fellow friend. True friends will be merciful unto each other (Proverbs 17:9), respect each other’s space (Proverbs 25:17), and not act in ways that perturb their companion (see Proverbs 27:14).
Biblical Examples of Friends
GOOD FRIENDS
Daniel’s Friends: Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego
In the midst of the indoctrinating of Nebuchadnezzar’s university setting in Babylon of the choicest men of Judah in his kingdom, Daniel remained faithful to God, and did not forget the Lord. His steadfastness can be credited in great part unto the friendships that he cultured in Babylon with Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah (that is, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego). These men of God locked arms and spirits in multitudes of unbreakable ways:
- They shared faith with Daniel: Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah were all from Judah, and were believers and worshippers of the God of the Bible, who was the God of Israel (Daniel 1:3-4).
- They shared circumstances with Daniel: Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah were transported away into captivity with Daniel (Daniel 1:1-3).
- They shared convictions with Daniel: Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah took a stand with Daniel not to eat the king’s defiled meat or drink his alcoholic wine (Daniel 1:8-16).
- They shared wisdom with Daniel: Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah excelled with Daniel in their knowledge, and had mutual wisdom from God (Daniel 1:17-20).
- They shared devotion with Daniel: Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah prayed with Daniel that God would reveal the dream and interpretation of Nebuchadnezzar (Daniel 2:16-19).
- They shared godliness with Daniel: Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah offered their bodies in sacrifice by not obeying the king’s decree to bow down before his statue (Daniel 3), just as Daniel did not obey the king’s decree not to bow down before his God and pray (Daniel 6). They went in Nebuchadnezzar’s furnace, and Daniel in Darius’ den of lions.
David’s Friend: Jonathan
Nestled into the narrative of Saul’s persecution of David in 1 Samuel is the heartwarming friendship of David and Jonathan. It is singularly with these two that we observe an explicit friendship covenant being made, thrice (1 Samuel 18:3; 20:16; 23:18). In a period where Saul “became David’s enemy continually” (1 Samuel 28:19), Jonathan modeled what it means to be a true friend. Jonathan loved David as himself (1 Samuel 18:1-4), thought about David more than himself (1 Samuel 19:2), and preferred David above himself (1 Samuel 19:1-7; 20). When David was in the wood in the wilderness of Ziph, we see three things that he could count on Jonathan for: David confided in Jonathan (1 Samuel 23:15-16), David was counselled by Jonathan (1 Samuel 23:16-17), and David was consoled by Jonathan (1 Samuel 23:17). A host of other persons supported David in his trouble, as friends would (1 Samuel 30:26-31), including Hushai the Archite (2 Samuel 15:32-37; 16:16-19; 17), but none were as good to David as Jonathan was.
BAD FRIENDS
Amnon’s Friend: Jonadab the son of Shimeah
David’s son Amnon had a very beautiful sister named Tamar whom he inordinately lusted after (2 Samuel 13:1); because of the sensibilities of his own conscience, he would not do anything to her (2 Samuel 13:2). “But Amnon had a friend” (2 Samuel 13:3), says the scripture of Jonadab. Jonadab had many character flaws: Jonadab was deceptive, “a very subtil man” (2 Samuel 13:3); Jonadab was a flatterer, calling Amnon “the king’s son” (2 Samuel 13:4); Jonadab was and encourager of sin, hatching and devising a plot whereby Amnon could sleep with Tamar (see 2 Samuel 13:5-20).
Judah’s Friend: Hirah the Adullamite
Judah, one of the sons of Israel, was very close to a man that motivated him in his perverseness. Hirah accompanied Judah unto his sin, as he went to his sheepshearers in Timnath (Genesis 38:12). Further, Hirah consented unto Judah’s sin as he passively allowed him to fornicate with a harlot (which was his daughter-in-law, Tamar) (Genesis 38:16-18). Finally, Hirah covered for Judah’s sin when he went to pay the harlot with a goat (Genesis 38:20), and spoke no more of it when he could not find her (Genesis 38:21-23).
Job’s Friends: Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite
Job passed through a flurry of afflictions, becoming so impoverished that he thought himself to be in the same condition in which he came into the world (Job 1:21), and smitten such so that he could only sit down “among the ashes” and scrape his wounds with potsherds (Job 2:8). At this time his three friends, Eiphaz, Bildad, and Zophar, came to him and sat for three silent days with him, in heartfelt consolation (Job 2:11-13). Noble as it was, that was the full extent of their friendliness. The book of Job is a series of speeches in which his friends, as “physicians of no value” (Job 13:4), accused Job of sin. They showed him no pity (Job 6:14; 19:21), and thus Job said they dug a pit for him (Job 6:27), scorned him (Job 16:20), forgot him (Job 19:14), and turned against him (Job 19:1). Job still cared for prayed for his friends in spite of their shortcomings as companions (Job 42:10).
Other Bad Friends: Haman’s friends, Samson’ companions, and Judas
The friends of Haman were there to rejoice and plot with him when he was the favored of the king Ahasuerus (Esther 5:10, 14), but they immediately turned on him when he began to fall before Mordeaci the Jew (Esther 6:13). Like any cheap and false friend, Haman’s confidants exploited him for his wealth and power (see Proverbs 14:20; 19:4, 6-7).
Samson’s companions were worldly Philistine god-worshipping pagans (Judges 14:11). They stoked his gambling inclination (Judges 14:12-13), went behind his back and turned his wife on him (Judges 14:15). When Samson left Timnath for a while, his friend stole his wife (Judges 14:20).
Judas feignedly listened to Christ’s teaching, walked with the Lord, and spent years by the side of his fellow disciples. In view of his omniscience, Jesus remarkably called Judas his “Friend” (Matthew 26:50). This prophetic friendship (see Psalm 41:9; Zechariah 13:6), which ended by the treachery of Judas, demonstrates the duplicity that is latent in most people, disturbing the trust of anyone with friends, no matter how loyal they may appear (see Luke 21:16; Lamentations 1:2). If Jesus could intentionally choose a devil for a friend (Job 6:70), then certainly when one non-judiciously selects their friends, they should beware:
Micah 7:5 “Trust ye not in a friend, put ye not confidence in a guide: keep the doors of thy mouth from her that lieth in thy bosom.”
How to Make Friends
The recipe for making friends is based upon the person we are. You must be the friend you want in order to have the friend you need, as it has been said, the only way to have a friend is to be one.
- Be Soul-Conscious – Because the only real friend is one that you can go to heaven with, you should always guarantee that anyone who associates with you is a believer, viewing people spiritually (2 Corinthians 5:13-17). Jesus commanded people after getting saved to go and preach to their friends (Mark 5:19; see also Acts 10:24).
- Be Involved – friendships are forged around common interests and activities. Paul’s companions were all soul-winners and faithful Christians (see Romans 16), much like Jesus’ friends. If you never go preaching the gospel, never join in church activities, and never do anything besides come for a short time once a week to church, you will never have the right kind of friends (see Psalm 55:14).
- Be Friendly – The Bible says “a man that hath friends must shew himself friendly” (Proverbs 18:24). Without any socialization, it is impossible to gain new friends. Being a sociable individual is the key to opening the doors of friendships.
- Be Wise – Being a learned person will attract people to yourself. Those who sincerely know God’s word are a joy to be around, because “The lips of the wise disperse knowledge” (Proverbs 15:7), and, “The tongue of the just is as choice silver: the heart of the wicked is little worth” (Proverbs 10:20).
- Be Christ-Like – Jesus is the ultimate friend. He told the disciples what they needed to hear but didn’t want to hear (e.g., Matthew 16:21-23), took the wounds and stripes we deserved (Isaiah 53:5), and laid down his life for us, his friends (John 15:13). When we become like Jesus, we will find good people to unite in friendship with.